Hold the phone, the suspension is building. The mood is tense, every one is on edge asking the same question:
“Will there be another brawl at First Baptist, tomorrow?”
Buy your tickets now, they’re going fast! I understand they may have it on “Pay per View”.
The Vegas odds makers are two to one for former Jarhead, and thus far the victor, Pastor “fire them if they disagree!” Mark Cummins. The opponents, the six fired Assistant Pastors, have dubbed themselves “The Dirty Half Dozen. It’s rumored that they have a sure fire strategy to defeat Cummins, involving a full frontal assault, up the middle with folding chairs, water balloons and rotten fruit. If you are in the front pews, just wear your rain gear.
No one two give up easily, reports say that the embattled Cummins has put tank traps in the parking lot and a mine field in front of the pulpit.
Katy bar the door, the fur was flying in the press this week. Seems Mr. Cummins has had a similar effect at every church he goes to, depending on who you believe. You either love him or you hate him, no middle ground.
He is described as “manipulative, dishonest and untrustworthy” while at the same time some call him “a man of great integrity and character”. Baptists, Christians disagreeing!! Shocking!!”
Who cares about all that bullshit. The point is, the guy seems to increase membership everywhere he goes, which increases revenues. He’s good for the bottom line, which is, of course…the bottom line. You can bet the Church will be busting at the seams this Sunday. Members will show up who only go on to church on Christmas and Easter, you know the type. They wear the biggest crosses and say “praise Jesus” even when you step on there foot. Even they wouldn’t miss this.
So when the pews overflow with members who would normally, at church time, have their tailgating party all set up, what does that tell you? Christians love a good fight.
So, Mr. Cummins succeeds in filling seats again and isn’t that the whole point?
“Oh, He’s bringing people to Christ!” Yea, but he forgot to tell you about the “contribution”.
You can bet the donation plates will be overflowing. Hey, who wouldn’t pay to see a good fight? The smart money is on Cummins.
Look for an update here next week, if anything good happens.
November 19, 2008 at 3:23 am |
It just proves my point. My invisible friend is better than theirs. Although Rev. Cummins is a Marine, and I totally admire the Marines, I believe that my invisible friend can kick his ass from Ft. Lauderdale to Wasilla.
November 19, 2008 at 12:44 pm |
No big brawl this past weekend at The First Bab.
Man, what a rip!! What a bunch of chicken shit! Just when i though churh was going to turn the corner and have some actual entertainment value.
November 20, 2008 at 9:33 pm |
Just so you know, he doesn’t increase attendance everywhere he goes. First Baptist of West Hollywood went from about 1000 to less than 300 (with two churches combined) in he 2.5 years here. We’re still rebuilding from that.
November 20, 2008 at 9:33 pm |
*the 2.5 years
November 20, 2008 at 11:11 pm |
Jen, are you from the West Hollywood Church?
You’d a thunk the Ocala Baptists would have looked into this guy in more detail.
November 21, 2008 at 4:45 am |
If I were a member of the West Hollywood church, I would begin selling “Rev. Cummins’ Ass Wax”" or the ever popular “Ocala First Baptist Organ Shrinking Ointment”. They need a hot new product – the church thing is obviously not selling. I think I could wear an “Amway Sold Here” sandwich board and have better results than them.
I will be anxiously awaiting the next blow-up at the Ocala church. They toned it down last week; I’ll bet in two or three weeks it builds up and explodes into a hippie crazed free love, sheep humping, organist sniffing, sherriff’s handcuff wearing and just plain weird free-for-all. I’ll call Greta.