Meet the ‘Naked Angels’ of Zhombe. Really, this is some crazy ass stuff.

From an Article from the Zimbabwe Gaurdian, by Isdore Guvamombe

 Sun, 19 Jul 2009 10:57:00 +0000

http://www.talkzimbabwe.com/news/117/ARTICLE/5094/2009-07-19.html

THEY grew up like ordinary village girls in a respectable and morally-upright family, with aspirations to achieve the best in life.

Their father’s job as a school headmaster married to a devout Christian helped mould the young girls into the envy of the village.

For them, the sky was the limit.Like other children blessed with intelligence, the girls proceeded to Advanced Level and completed courses in nursing and business administration thereafter, a feat a few girls of their time could only dream of.

But today, the twins have fallen from grace. They are now causing sleepless nights for their parents, community and have set tongues wagging nationwide.

Now in their mid-40s, the heavily built women arepacing  up and down the village, donning nothing but their undergarments before youths the same age as their own children and elders, including their 81-year-old father and mother (77).

They call themselves “angels” and at times behave like King David and King Solomon reincarnated.

Imagine full-grown women pacing up and down your home clad in only panties and you are their father, mother, sister, brother or, worse still, one of them is your mother?

It is bizarre, taboo and unthinkable, but fanatic religious female twins Patience and Memory Ncube of Zhombe communal lands have left the nation shell-shocked by walking around their home clad in panties, claiming religious purity from a cult seeking to relive the biblical Garden of Eden.

For the past three months, day in day out, the twins have been wandering around their parents’ home, semi-naked and have been working like Trojan horses, planting trees, cultivating a garden and cleaning up every corner to turn their home into their dreamland — a modern-day Garden of Eden.

The 45-year-old twins deserted their spouses, children and employment after a “calling to serve God” and are now members of a cult that split from the Seventh-Day Adventist Church in 2004, calling itself the Davidic Kingdom of Heaven.

They say they are now waiting for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, who should find them in the “right place”.

Since the cult encourages cleanliness and hard work, the twins sleep at most three hours every night, spending the rest of the time working in their garden, fetching water and cleaning the yard, intermittently singing melodiously and dancing into their dreamland of Eden.

As they perform their various domestic chores, the twin sisters also carry bags of sand and stone and five-litre containers filled with soil to “demonstrate their strength and resilience, as it is considered mandatory by our church”.

Not surprisingly, their shoulders are now heavily scarred from carrying the heavy loads.

Patience and Memory are not ordinary village women; they are professionals who sacrificed their jobs to serve God. Born to headmaster Mr Regis Ncube and his wife Aidah, the twins attended Regina Mundi Secondary School in Gweru up to A-Level.

Patience is a State registered nurse who left Zimbabwe in the late 1990s to further her studies in the United Kingdom, but returned home in 2004 after the “calling” to serve God.

She was married to one Crispen Hama with whom she had three children who are now in primary school in Kwekwe.

Memory holds a Diploma in Business Administration and worked for Bulawayo City Council as an administrative clerk before resigning “after the calling”. She never married but has a school-going child.

The twins’ siblings — two brothers and five sisters — are currently living in the UK.

“We are strictly following heavenly scriptures and have nothing to do with earthly things. We have no surnames because in the Bible everyone was called by his or her first name. This is a serious calling to the work of God. We live like Adam and Eve did. Any man who feels lust for us because of our semi-nakedness is evil. We seek holiness. Our father and mother have accepted us as we are and we are very normal people. When Jesus comes, some of you will be found on the wrong side,” said Patience.

Asked about their semi-nakedness, they quoted the Bible to stress that the world will revert to the Old Testament when Jesus eventually comes.

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The article goes on about some other Bible bullshit, the father getting excommunicated from some piece of shit Church, blah, blah, blah.

I find this article interesting because it shows Bible support for female nudity, which I wholeheartedly support…with some reservations. For example have you ever been to a “nude beach”? You’re thinking, play boy bunnies playing volleyball naked, right?

The reality is that, when you get there you come to the sudden and inescapable conclusion that you, in fact do not want to see 98% of the population naked. There was a 50 plus year old fat guy, covered with grey hair, who’s pot belly was so big, I‘m sure he hadn’t seen his dick in 20 years. Well, we saw it and the sight of him naked has replaced Viet Nam in my nightmares. There was this guy who was 400 pounds and lost 225. So, now weighing 175 someone asked how it felt.

He said “There is a good and bad thing about loosing all this weight. The good thing is I can see my dick. The bad thing is I can see my dick. 

There was this skinny women, at least 60, who’s tits were so elongated, she could sling them over her shoulder.

There were assorted other shapes, sizes and distorted other naked human bodies which I personally could have lived my entire life without seeing. There was maybe one or two do-able chicks and the hottest one had her bottoms on. She had a decent rack, but the trip to the nude beach was basically a disappointment. We left when the 60 year old flapper was coming toward us with this grin, no doubt anticipating seeing three college kids getting naked. Hate to disappoint you, flappy, we were out of there.

Well, these two chicks fit the 98% rule. Check it out:

 

 

Personally, I like black chicks. Say Beyonce ain’t smokin’!! But these two are simply butt ass ugly. Their names are Patience and Memory, which goes to show you stripper names are the same the world over.

But apparently naked chicks are OK with God and Jesus. Hey, if women were naked in church, I’d even start going.

All seriousness aside, this is more proof of crazy ass religious bullshit. What would you call it!

“Oh, my church/religion doesn’t teach this!!” No, instead yours teaches that a virgin had a baby, God is three people in one, God walked the earth and raise the dead and let men kill him in a most painful way, somehow proving his love for us.

“Hey, look at me! I’m stabbing myself in the eye with a pencil! Don’t ya’ see! I love you guys!

“No more beer for you dude. Yea we see ya’. You can get down from the cross now. Hey, anybody knows where this guy lives?”

“But the son of man has no where to lay his head”. Great. A drunk homesless guy.

Or if you blow yourself up, killing innocent people, you go the heaven and God gives you 70 virgins to fuck at your pleasure. If there was a shread of proof of that, I would blow my ass up,  like right now. However, the whole thing lacks at least my minimun standard for creability. Besides, you have to wonder what in the world those many sets of 70 virgins did to deserve spending eternity fucking some flea bitten grease ball. Their offense was obviously not sexual. Maybe they are all axe murderers. That would be interesting and fitting.

But the naked black chicks are bizarre and “wrong because your church doesn’t teach it!”

Well, fuck you. I guess we all have to adhere to your bizarre beliefs. Do us all a favor and strap a bomb to your sorry ass.

Sorry, Guys. I can only take bullshit from Jehovah’s Witnesses for so long.

oh God...the Watchtower...door knocking...going to boring meetings...

Charlie Brown Says It All.

The Religious Bullshit Continues

Anti-Islam Sign On Display Outside Fla. Church

Posted: 7:22 am EDT July 9, 2009Updated: 12:02 pm EDT July 9, 2009

GAINSEVILLE, Fla. — A Gainesville Florida church has a shocking anti-Islam sign on its front lawn and says it is going to put up more.

 The sign at the Dove World Outreach Center reads “Islam of the devil.”

 ”We just use Islam because, at this time, they are making great in-roads into America and they’re trying to present themselves as a religion of peace,” said Dr. Terry Jones, Dove World Outreach Center.

Sixteen-year-old Gaby Alim, who is lives in the area, is Muslim. She says she feels hurt by the statement, but more so wants to know why the Dove World Outreach Center posted it.

“I think it’s all stereotypical about the whole Iraq war. People think all Muslims are like that and we’re not,” said 16-year-old Gaby Alim, Muslim resident.

 University of Florida Professor David Hackett says that people become very emotional when it comes to religion. “There are tendencies through all religions to think that theirs is the right one and the other ones are wrong,” he said.

 The city’s code enforcement has been out to look at the sign and say the case is under investigation. According to the municipal ordinance 30-317, temporary signs with no commercial message are permitted.

 Someone tried to spray paint over the sign, but the church quickly fixed it. For now, the sign stays and Dr. Jones says they plan to add more.

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 Where to begin?

 How about this genius quote:

 “University of Florida Professor David Hackett says that people become very emotional when it comes to religion.”There are tendencies through all religions to think that theirs is the right one and the other ones are wrong,” he said.”

No shit, Sherlock. Wow what a revelation! Religions are intolerant, incite emotion and think all other religions are wrong!! Say it ain’t so.

What’s with that statement from Captain Obvious, the revealer of astounding facts, Professor David Hackett?  What a great observation from the esteemed professor. Duh. Do we actually pay this guy to teach our kids?

Guess what else, Prof. The sky is blue, water is wet and you’re an idiot.

As for the sign, what do you expect from religious assholes? Do you see any great hue and cry from the Christian community in general? Except for the token bullshit from the random Christian, not a whole lot. Again, what do you expect?

There are moderates and radicals in all religions. The moderates who, may express verbally some wimper of objection to this sort of thing, really empower the radicals. How so? Because we all know that virtually all Christians think Islam is of the Devil.

Islam thinks Christianity is of the Devil. Hindus think Islam is of the Devil. Islam thinks every non Muslim is of the Devil. Religions think Atheists are of the Devil.

But the question for Christians is what is the Devil “of” or from? Didn’t the God of the Bible create the Devil? So, logically the Devil is from God.

“Oh. No. God may have created him, but He went bad. He was a good angel and now he is a bad angel”

In what universe does that notion make any sense? The Christian God created the Devil and now everything bad is from the devil? What is the hell is the purpose and meaning of all this? What is the purpose of this whole exercise? Why does it not make any sense? Do any hot chicks go to the Dove World Outreach Center? These questions demand answers!

Is Islam from the Devil? Hell if I know. They are some crazy ass dudes, but from the Devil? Who knows?

Do you think Dr. Terry Jones, Dove World Outreach Center, super Christian asshole, ever gives any thought to who created the Devil?

Hey asshole, your Bible says your God created the Devil.

You could go crazy with this religious shit. I mean you could get crazy enough to put up shit head signs, kill abortion doctor, become a suicide bomber.

Ya’ think? How come Professor Obvious, David Hackett didn’t pontificate on that?  Hey Dave, here’s an idea for your next informative lecture: “Religion makes people act crazy! ”

It’s Chicken Little Season in the Jehovah’s Witness World.

From the “Rochester Democrat and Chronicle”

“Jehovah’s Witnesses prepare for the end”

Bennett J. Loudon • Staff writer • July 5, 2009

Thousands of people are expected to attend the last day of a three-day religious convention in downtown Rochester, where the program today will focus on how to survive what organizers believe is the approaching end of the world.

Keep the Watch is the theme of the Jehovah’s Witnesses convention at the Blue Cross Arena at the Community War Memorial that is focused on recognizing signs of the end time and preparing for it, organizers said.

Jeffrey Case, a spokesman for the Jehovah’s Witnesses, said the wars, rampant crime and massive hunger occurring worldwide are all signs of the apocalypse predicted in the Bible.

“Those are all things that we see in the news all the time,” Case said.

This morning, there will be a presentation on how to survive the end of the world by living according to the Bible. In the afternoon, an hourlong live dramatic presentation based on the parable of the prodigal son will be featured. That performance is intended especially for youths who may have strayed from the organization, Case said.

About 4,500 people from central New York and northern Pennsylvania were expected to attend each day of the three-day convention. Another three-day convention in about two weeks is expected to attract an equal number of people from the Rochester area. And a third convention at the arena in about three weeks will serve just as many people from Buffalo and western New York, Case said.

All the conventions are free and open to the public.

“Once a year we look forward to the new information, the latest information on Bible understanding,” said Elijah Nelson, 55, of Syracuse, who attended the convention with his wife, Rebecca Nelson, 48.

“One of the things that Jehovah’s Witnesses are known for is the love among them, and a district convention where you get to see 5,000 brothers and sisters is such a treat,” he said.

BLOUDON@DemocratandChronicle.com

     ___________________________________________________________________________________

Yes, it’s that time of year again, Jo Ho District Assembly time. Where those beloved doom and gloomers decend upon select unfortunate cities by the thousands and attend what seem to be endless sessions of Bible lectures which have one main theme: God will destroy the world any day now, If you ain’t one of us, you’re dead and we can’t wait to see an angel severe your worthless head.

The Assemblies of late are different from the many I attended during my 50 years as a Jo Ho. As I had mentioned in  a previous post, the Jo Ho’s are presently dateless. By that I mean they are not presently calling for a date for Armageddon. You know, the Big “A”, when the loving, kind, merciful God they worship slaughters, in a most horrible way, all non Jehovah’s Witnesses.

When I was a Jo Ho,we always had a date or a time period in which this would happen. I couldn’t wait for Jehovah to kill all you non believing, devil worshiping hoardes of unwashed religious masses who didn’t know what we knew. We had the truth, you don’t have shit. Ha Ha, Satans got you fooled!! You deserve to die and have the birds pick the eyes out of your rotting corpse. That’ll teach you to slam the door in the faces of God’s chosen people. Here’s what Jehovah has in store for you:

From Watchtower 2/1/85, page 3-4:

“So devastating will Armageddon be that the carnage is referred to as a reaping of “the harvest of the earth” by means of a sharp sickle. “And the angel thrust his sickle into the earth and gathered the vine of the earth, and he hurled it into the great winepress of the anger of God. And the winepress was trodden outside the city, and blood came out of the winepress as high up as the bridles of the horses, for a distance of a thousand six hundred furlongs.”—Revelation 14:15-20.”

“Yes, blood will run deep under the hand of God’s executional forces. The 69 million deaths of two world wars will pale in comparison to those slain in God’s war of Armageddon. Concerning them the prophet Jeremiah wrote: “Those slain by Jehovah will certainly come to be in that day from one end of the earth clear to the other end of the earth. They will not be bewailed, neither will they be gathered up or be buried. As manure on the surface of the ground they will become.”—Jeremiah 25:30-33.

The burning missiles, fiery showers, and other cataclysmic forces that accompany God’s judgment will strike terror into the hearts of mankind earth wide. In confusion they will turn, each one against his neighbor, as God’s executional forces strike without regard to age or sex. For God instructs them to show no mercy: “Strike. Let not your eye feel sorry, and do not feel any compassion. Old man, young man and virgin and little child and women you should kill off—to a ruination.”—Ezekiel 9:5, 6; Zechariah 14:12, 13.”

Remember, in the entire history of this loony fringe group of deluded morons, they always had a date. But although presently “dateless” the Jo Ho’s are still jumping around like so many hyper French poodles, pissing themselves in anticipation of you getting slaughtered by God during the coming global carnage, because as the Watchtower, 9/1/89 page 19 says:

 ”ONLY Jehovah’s Witnesses, those of the anointed remnant and the “great crowd,” as a united organization under the protection of the Supreme Organizer, have any Scriptural hope of surviving the impending end of this doomed system dominated by Satan the Devil.”

Yes sir, the unbelieveing pieces of shit that the rest of us are, are basically fucked.

As I mentioned, the Jo Ho’s always had a date. The Watchtower Society prophesied that Armageddon would come at 6 separate and distinct time periods and they were wrong.

1914 – “In view of this strong Bible evidence concerning the Times of the Gentiles, we consider it an established truth that the final end of the kingdoms of this world, and the full establishment of the Kingdom of God, will be accomplished by the end of 1914.” (The Time is at Hand, 1902 edition, p. 99) Note: this same statement was contained in the 1908 edition of the same book.

End of WW1: “The present great war in Europe is the beginning of the Armageddon of the Scriptures (Revelation 19:16-20). It will eventuate in the complete overthrow of all the systems of error which have so long oppressed the people of God and deluded the world”. (Pastor Russell’s Sermons, 1915, p. 676) In the same year (1915),

1925 – “The period must end in 1925 . . . [This date] is definitely fixed in the Scriptures. Every thinking person can see that a great climax is at hand. The scriptures clearly indicate that the climax is the fall of Satan’s empire and the full establishment of the Messianic kingdom . . . Therefore, it can be confidently said at this time that millions now living will never die”. (Golden Age, January 4, 1922, p. 217)

1975 – Watchtower, October 15, 1969 pages 622 and 623:

“More recently earnest researchers of the Holy Bible have made a recheck of its chronology. According to their calculations the six millenniums of mankind’s life on earth would end in the mid-seventies…. Would not, then, the end of six millenniums of mankind’s laborious enslavement under Satan the Devil be the fitting time for Jehovah God to usher in a Sabbath millennium for all his human creatures? Yes, indeed! And his King Jesus Christ will be Lord of that Sabbath.”

Notice the use of the definite article “the”. It would be “the fitting time”, not “a fitting time” not “an appropriate time” but “THE FITTING TIME”, to the exclusion of all other times. “Yes, Indeed! And his King Jesus Christ will be Lord of that Sabbath”. Not “might be”, not “could be”, but “WILL BE”.

End of the 20th Century – Again in 1971, they said it would come in the 20th century: ”Shortly, within our twentieth century, the “battle in the day of Jehovah” will begin”. From: The Nations Shall Know That I Am Jehovah – How? 1971 p. 216”

Within the life span of the 1914 generation: Watchtower, 7/1/69 pg395:

“People who were only just old enough to understand what was happening to the world in 1914 are now approaching seventy years of age. Yes, the numbers of that generation are dwindling fast, but before they all pass away this system must meet its end in the war of Armageddon.”

None of the above happened and they changed the 1914 thing.

I was reading stuff like this at age 23, From “Our Kingdom Ministry”, May 1974, page 3:

“Yes, since the summer of 1973 there have been new peaks in pioneers every month. Now there are 20,394 regular and special pioneers in the United States, an all-time peak. That is 5,190 more than there were in February 1973! A 34-percent increase! Does that not warm our hearts? Reports are heard of brothers selling their homes and property and planning to finish out the rest of their days in this old system in the pioneer service. Certainly this is a fine way to spend the short time remaining before the wicked world’s end.—1 John 2:17.”

What, you sold your house. quit your job, sold your stocks, quit college? Hey, who told you to do that?

I mean, it was always “around the corner”, “very close”, imminent. Except it never happened.

The point is made in the above article by Jeffrey Case, a spokesman for the Jehovah’s Witnesses. He  said the wars, rampant crime and massive hunger occurring worldwide are all signs of the apocalypse predicted in the Bible.

“Those are all things that we see in the news all the time,” Case said.

I got news for you and your loony cohorts Jeff, these are things that have happened since the beginning of man and will continue to happen. Oh, yea the Bible says that scoffers will say that these things have always occurred and will continue to occur. The kicker is, that’s true.

What a great point to build a religion around. The world is full of violence. No shit. And then your “Holy Book” conveniently says that scoffers will point out that the world has been this way since the beginning of man, thus giving credence to your claim that this violence and wickedness, which has always occurred is proof that the “end is near”.

The only problem for Jo Ho’s is that it never seems to come. They’ve been wrong so many, times they dare not utter another prediction. They are presently, “dateless”. And, by the way, their membership retention is dwindling. Without a date, it’s hard to create that sense of urgency. Without the urgency hook, it becomes harder and harder for people to keep believing your bullshit.

There is one thing for the Jo Ho’s to look forward to. There is likely to be some sort of World catastrophe i.e., nuclear, famine, disease, world war. It’s pretty easy to see that possibility.

However, I doubt seriously that “ONLY Jehovah’s Witnesses, those of the anointed remnant and the “great crowd,” as a united organization under the protection of the Supreme Organizer, have any Scriptural hope of surviving the impending end of this doomed system dominated by Satan the Devil.” Regardless of in what form the “end of this doomed system”.

I see vultures picking the eyes out of dead Jo Ho’s. I can’t wait.