Here’s a Great Funny Bible Site.

A short post today.

A fellow Blogger, Steve Wells has a site called “The Skeptics Annotated Bible”, where the Bible is looked at and commented on on a scripture by scripture bases.

He draws some very interesting conclusions.

It’s a hoot on a hat.

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com

Steve also has a Blog, Dwindling in Unbelief,  http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/. More interesting stuff.

Thanks to Steve for linking to isnrblog.

A Comic Strip Asks the Ultimate Question

Sometimes we find the most piercing question in the most unlikely places.

From one of my favorite comic strips, “Non Sequitur”, by Wiley. Read the whole strip and look at the question in the last frame:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indeed, why is “Wisdom” always dispensed so cryptically?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, why bother with the thousands words? If God has something to tell us, why does He do so through the cryptic, mythical, Holy-coded, million word Bible?

Just appear to us, all of us and tell us in ten minutes what you want from us. Ten minutes? Can you spare the time?

Just so you know, in the time it took to write this post, untold numbers of humans have suffered numerous idignities and deaths including rape, beating, starvation, torture, incurable disease, watching their children suffer and die while they are helpless to intervene, just to mention a few.

If it’s worth a mention, untold numbers have also suffered economic loss, lost their homes by foreclosure, flood, mudslide, tsunami or earthquake. Corrupt politicians, business and religious leaders swindle millions. Cruel dictators inflict pain on their subjects for personal gain or just for the fun of it.

None of the suffering is a bit cryptic. God’s proposed solution remain cryptic and subject to a wide range of wild and improvable interpretations by corrupt, deluded and demented religions

But hey, I’m sure you have a plan. And I’m sure millions more will suffer unjustly before it all stops.

Crazy Ass N.C. Church Plans to Burn Bibles and other Christian Books

The full article and link are below

The thing about crazy ass religious shit is that it never stops. I’m glad I chose this subject for a blog. I was thinking of doing a tropical fish blog, but irrational behavior and loony stuff are rare in the tropical fish world.

“Blue Gourami Claims Sponge Bob is the Anti-Christ”. This is a headline you are not likely to see anytime soon.

Although, there was this woman in Groton, Connecticut who fatally shot her husband, claiming that her goldfish “Luigi” told her to. It seems that she and Luigi were in love. That would explain her long baths, with Luigi, him playing hide and seek in that secret place that already smells like fish.

At any rate, religion is again fodder for the comedy cannon. Now, it seems a “North Carolina pastor says his church plans to burn Bibles and books by Christian authors on Halloween to light a fire under true believers.”

“Pastor Marc Grizzard told Asheville TV station WLOS that the King James Version of the Bible is the only one his small western North Carolina church follows. He says all other versions, such as the Living Bible, are “satanic” and “perversions” of God’s word.”

How does old Grizzy know all this? Why would Satan cause any Bibles to be written? Does Grizzy know the history of the King James Version? Can he explain why that version is the true version? Does Grizzy have a Holy Magic Bass that gives him this information? Is Mrs. Grizzy taking baths with the Magic Bass?

These are questions that demand answers!

Certainly, a major question for Grizzy is why would Satan cause any Bibles to be written? “Oh, so he could pervert the Word of God in an attempt to hide the truth of God.” If that’s the case, why is it that the King James Version has as many interpretations as it does readers? The King James Bible is already a cryptic, jumbled, contradictory fairy tale. It would seem to be to Satan’s advantage to leave it alone.

Also, has Grizzy indeed considered the origins of the King James Bible? So, just how’d we get the King James Version there, Bass Pastor?

Well, here’s the scoop. After he was made King of England in 1603, James, the 1st, arranged a conference at Hampton Court in order to settle religious differences between the Puritan wing of the Church of England and the Bishops. These “religious differences” were your typical “religious differences” as they had nothing to do with religion and more to do with who got what, who had power over whom and who got first dibs on the wenches. Religious bullshit politics as usual.

The Puritans were pressing both for a number of changes in the form or set of forms for public religious worship and for the bishops to be deprived of a share of parochial tithes.

 “No money for those Bishop fuckheads. Man, what Loooosers!! What a fine display of Godly love from these Holy Men. The Puritan’s demands were set out in what was known as The Millenary Petition, of which the full text is available at this link:

http://history.hanover.edu/project.html. What a boring piece of shit this is, but I bet old Grizzy hasn’t read it.

The King had already pretty much already agreed with the Puritans, to the consternation of the Bishops. Well, the conference opened on 14 January 1604 and in the end the bishops prevailed: no changes were made. 

Man, it sucked to be a Bishop. The King now doesn’t like you, you get no money, the Puritans are high fiving each other and giving you the finger. Assholes.

However, the conference was effectively the catalyst leading to the preparation of a new English Bible, the King James Bible. It was decided to proceed with a completely new translation to replace the Geneva bible in current use. This Bible, first published in England in 1560 (1569 in Scotland) was much disliked by James for its marginal notes which challenged his divine primacy as monarch.

The new Bible, the King James Version was first published in 1611. Although not initially popular it came to exert an enormous influence on the development of the English language.

This is condensed from the article at this link: http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/detail.asp?ContentID=22

While the King James Bible was being “revised” (remember it is a version, not a translation. A version is a revision of earlier works) if there were any controversies or questions they were solved by King James, after all he had the divine right of Kings, meaning he was appointed by God so who else would settle any controversies.

Toady, the Varlet: “Hey, King James, Basil says this verse should say “Lake of Basil”. I say it should say “Lake of Fire” but you have the final word. Which is it?”

“Hmmm” the King mutters. Stoking the royal beard “My divine self says that it should be the “Lake of Fish”

“Ooookkkayy” says Toady, the Varlet, rolling his eyes, “Lake of Fish it is”.

So back to Pastor Marc Grizzard and The Church of “What Crazy Shit Can We Do Today?”  The Bible that King James of England had redone to his liking, is the only true Bible? Remember, he had it redone because the Geneva bible, the version that was in current use, challenged his divine primacy as monarch.

So, I would guess Grizzy accepts that King James was indeed inspired by God to produce the only authentic and true Bible. So what if he had it redone because the Geneva bible challenged his divine primacy as monarch. Hey, facts or lack thereof don’t slow Pastor Grizzard or any other religious lunatic for that matter. Grizzy remains determined to make a total asshole of himself.

The point is that all during the Bible’s history there have been many Versions and Translations by numerous scholars and religious assholes, each with his own agenda.

Here is a fun fact about Jehovah’s Witnesses and their New World Translation. The Jo Hos, not to be outdone by King James and any of them there other counterfeit Bible translators working for Satan have their  own Bible too. They translated it all by themselves, too. Here is what they say about it:

 Watchtower 8/1/62, pg 480:

“The way these two words have been rendered in the New World Translation has given rise to the charge that the New World Bible Translation Committee let their religious beliefs influence them. That charge is true, but they did not do so wrongly, or unduly. The meaning that is to be given to these two Greek words depends upon what the entire Bible has to say about Jehovah God and Jesus Christ. How so? In that there is basis for translating these words either as “Deity,” “Divinity” or “Godhead” and so attributing personality to them, or as “Divine Nature,” “divine quality,” “Godship,” and having them merely denote qualities. Thus those who believe in the trinity will attach personality to these words, whereas those who do not will render them as qualities in view of the way God and Christ are described in the Scriptures and so as to harmonize the words with the rest of God’s Word. This emphasizes the fact that one simply cannot properly and accurately translate the Bible unless one clearly understands its teachings.”

Note the above says “the New World Bible Translation Committee let their religious beliefs influence them” and  “This emphasizes the fact that one simply cannot properly and accurately translate the Bible unless one clearly understands its teachings.”

If Jehovah’s Witnesses are translating the Bible, whose teachings will they favor. Why, theirs of course!  But the question is which came first “the Truth”, Witness Theology or a correct Bible from which to glean the truth? If you can learn the truth from any Bible, as the Jo Ho’s claim, why did they bother translating their own?

And to Grizzy’s consternation, the Jo Ho’s favor their Bible over the King James Version.

On the matter of which is the “correct Bible”, who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares. Just keep cranking out the crazy ass religious bullshit, you little deluded fanatics you, so I can have fodder for my blog.

In the meantime, when you’re not burning books Grizzy, maybe you, Mrs. Grizzy and the Magic Bass can have a threesome.

Fucking morons.

_________________________________

Here is the complete article:

N.C. Church Plans to Burn Bibles, Christian Books

Wed Oct 14, 3:14 pm ET

CANTON, N.C. – A North Carolina pastor says his church plans to burn Bibles and books by Christian authors on Halloween to light a fire under true believers.

Pastor Marc Grizzard told Asheville TV station WLOS that the King James version of the Bible is the only one his small western North Carolina church follows. He says all other versions, such as the Living Bible, are “satanic” and “perversions” of God’s word.

On Halloween night, Grizzard and the 14 members of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church also will burn music and books by Christian authors, such as Billy Graham and Rick Warren.

Telephone calls to the Amazing Grace Baptist Church and Grizzard’s home were not immediately returned Wednesday.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091014/ap_on_re_us/us_odd_halloween_book_burning

Jehovah’s Witnesses Still Discourage Higher Education

As a JW for 50 years from birth I have experienced the whole evolution of the Jo Ho higher education thing. All during my association with the Jo Ho’s, the constant mantra was against higher education.

This is what I was reading at age 18, from the Awake, May 22, 1969 page 15:

“All the evidence in fulfillment of Bible prophesy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years. Jesus foretold “This generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur”.

And from the same Awake, page 15:

“Therefore as a young person you will never fulfill any career that this system offers.”

So why bother with higher eductaion as the World is about to end? Just do the minimum and spend as much time as you can in the Jo Ho preaching work. In fact, you should devote yourself to it:

Further, they expected God to destroy the World in 1975 so up until 1975 we were reading this type of stuff:

From “Our Kingdom Ministry”, May 1974, page 3:

“Yes, since the summer of 1973 there have been new peaks in pioneers every month. Now there are 20,394 regular and special pioneers in the United States, an all-time peak. That is 5,190 more than there were in February 1973! A 34-percent increase! Does that not warm our hearts? Reports are heard of brothers selling their homes and property and planning to finish out the rest of their days in this old system in the pioneer service. Certainly this is a fine way to spend the short time remaining before the wicked world’s end.—1 John 2:17.”

What, you sold your house. quit you job, sold your stocks, quit college? Hey, who told you to do that?

But, never being ones to quit, when Armageddon did not come in 1975, they had a fall back prediction:

From: The Nations Shall Know That I Am Jehovah – How? 1971 p. 216:

JEHOVAH’S “SWORD” AGAINST “ALL THOSE OF FLESH”

9 Shortly, within our twentieth century, the “battle in the day of Jehovah” will begin against the modern antitype of Jerusalem, Christendom.”

So, in view of all this, why go to college. Also, you meet a lot of bad people there who may influence you to turn away from the Witnesses (meaning, you may learn stuff that shows the JW’s to be full of crap) Devote yourselves to the Truth (as interpreted by the Watchtower Society). Give us your life. Make more converts. Soon, God will reward you!

Since the World hasn’t ended, it may seem that  there is a JW loosening up of the “don’t go to college” mantra.

The Watchtower of 11/1/92, page 18 pointed out that what was considered as an adequate level of schooling required to earn a decent wage had changed and it had become difficult to find jobs with only a high school degree. So now is higher education is “permitted.”

Not withstanding that the Jo Ho’s cannot and generally do not punish officially anyone who goes to college, if you read the whole article fromt the above Watchtower, you’ll understand that the Jo Ho’s still discourage any type of education that doesn’t allow the person to devote themselves to the Watchtower cause.

While they may say officially that perhaps getting more than the minimum education may be to some advantage, the overwhelming consensus among the membership is still “Why go to college? You meet a lot of bad people there who may influence you to turn away from the Witnesses (meaning, you may learn stuff that shows the JW’s to be full of crap) Devote yourselves to the Truth (as interpreted by the Watchtower Society). Give us your life. Make more converts. Soon, God will reward you!” Gee, that sounds familiar.

But, what of most of the JW’s of my generation who, unlike myself, took the Watchtower Societies advice and did not get an education or career? Now in their 50’s and 60’s most do not have much money and no decent retirement.

In fact, I know of a “retired” couple, in their early 70’s who both work at a fast food place. I have known them for 40 years. They specifically did not seek a career and were full time door knockers (pioneers) for most of their life. And, yes they and many others are bitter. They are no longer Jo Ho’s.

“You want fries with that” is the new mantra of the Senior Citizen Jehovah’s Witness.

So to Jo Ho youth, as one who has had the experience of being heavily pressured not to pursue higher education, would you say that at 59 years old in 2009, I made the right choice? Higher eductaion did not cause me to leave the JW’s. Their lying false prophesies did, two of which I quote above.

“Oh, but it’s differant now! Armageddon is that much closer now!!”

Yea, sure it is. But, keep saying the world will end. You’re bound to be right at least once. In 2049 when your are wiping up hurl and lung butter at the local fuel depot, for minimum wage, remember this post. 

Don’t be a moron.

More Insane Bible Bullshit

From a recent article “Conservatizing the Bible”, by Rod Dreher. The entire article is reprinted below as well as the link to the site.

 Apparently, some “eager young men at Conservapedia are p.o.’d that the Bible might be seen as too liberal. So they’ve come up with the Wiki-style Conservative Bible Project, to make sure the Lord doesn’t go all wobbly on us.”

 One particularly  loony quote from these guys site is “Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations”

What?? Am I missing something? Silly me I thought the Left and Liberals in general were not religious. I do not recall hearing of any liberal conspiracy to “liberally bias” the Bible. The Bible is already, in general far more conservative than liberal, in regards to abortion, a woman’s place in marriage, etc. In fact, many conservatives get their views from their religion and ultimately the Bible.

Also, as a side point, my view on liberals and religion may be wrong as I am a conservative Republican and I am in no way religious. I despise organized religion.

I guess what I’m saying is that this is a “non issue”.  These guys have way too much time on their hands.

I don’t believe that the Bible is from God or that Jesus was an historical figure, making me decidedly non Christian. So it doesn’t matter to me if they make the Bible a comic book. In fact, I believe someone already has. At any rate, here is more crazy Bible bullshit. It actually proves nothing except that people will devote a lot of time and effort to fix “problems” that do not exist.

Hey, assholes, get a real job!

__________________________________________________________________________

Here’s the whole article:

Conservatizing the Bible

The eager young men at Conservapedia are p.o.’d that the Bible might be seen as too liberal. So they’ve come up with the Wiki-style Conservative Bible Project, to make sure the Lord doesn’t go all wobbly on us. Excerpt:

As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[1]

Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, “gender inclusive” language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[2]

Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[3] defective translations use the word “comrade” three times as often as “volunteer”; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as “word”, “peace”, and “miracle”

Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as “gamble” rather than “cast lots”;[4] using modern political terms, such as “register” rather than “enroll” for the census

Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities
Thus, a project has begun among members of Conservapedia to translate the Bible in accordance with these principles. The translated Bible can be found here.

“The liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio”? Hoo-wee! Elitists like to use words, and lots of ‘em! “Unnecessary ambiguities”? But how are you going to abide by the conservative mandate to avoid “dumbing down” Holy Writ while at the same time avoiding big words liberals use?

More seriously, the insane hubris of this really staggers the mind. These right-wing ideologues know better than the early church councils that canonized Scripture? They really think it’s wise to force the word of God to conform to a 21st-century American idea of what constitutes conservatism? These jokers don’t worship God. They worship ideology. As Mark Shea says:

Right wing dementia marches on apace. Some of this has a grain of sense to it, as ideological madness always does. For instance, the dumb attempts to feminize Scripture are pernicious and need to stop. But seriously: the story of the woman taken in adultery is “liberal”? Free market as Sacred tradition? Liberal wordiness?

You really need to read the whole Conservapedia entry to grasp how crazy this is. It’s like what you’d get if you crossed the Jesus Seminar with the College Republican chapter at a rural institution of Bible learnin’.

http://blog.beliefnet.com/crunchycon/2009/10/conservatizing-the-bible.html

Jehovah’s Witnesses say “Don’t Blame God if We’re wrong”!!

To get the flavor of the point of this post, it would be helpful to read my post of 10/11/09, below.

From the Watchtower, 3/15/80, page 17:

⁶”In its issue of July 15, 1976, The Watchtower, commenting on the inadvisability of setting our sights on a certain date, stated: “If anyone has been disappointed through not following this line of thought, he should now concentrate on adjusting his viewpoint, seeing that it was not the word of God that failed or deceived him and brought disappointment, but that his own understanding was based on wrong premises.” In saying “anyone,” The Watchtower included all disappointed ones of Jehovah’s Witnesses, hence including persons having to do with the publication of the information that contributed to the buildup of hopes centered on that date.”

Basically, The Watchtower Society admittedly published many statements, pre 1975, that led it’s followers (I was one) to believe that Armageddon, or the destruction of everyone who is not a Jo Ho, by the Almighty God, would come in the year 1975. Again, see my post below, of 10/11/09.

Than the almighty purveyors of holy knowledge, soothsayers and predictors of false dates have the balls to print the statement above in the July, 1976 Watchtower: If you thought Armageddon was coming in 1975, you screwed yourself.

 It reminds me of this quote from Animal House, in 1978, by Otter: “Flounder, you can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up – you trusted us!”

The Watchtower Society, to the membership: “And by the way asshole, the word of God didn’t fail, you did, you miserable puke, scum sucking pig, maggot. We’re the Mouthpiece of God. You must be the problem. Remember, your “own understanding was based on wrong premises.” Shit for brains! Hey, don’t forget to contribute”

Indeed it was. The understanding of the membership was based on the “wrong premises” that The Watchtower Society, conceived and published: Armageddon was coming in 1975. Further, the facts show that in the big picture, the “wrong premises” seems to believing anything the Watchtower Society says.

They said that Armageddon was coming at seven distinct years or time periods in the 20^th Century. It’s October 2009 and still nothing.

“Oh, it’s around the corner” the little deluded Jo Ho’s crow. I say, what the hell. Keep predicting the end of the world. You’re bound to be right sooner or later.

However, I would guess that how it ends will surprise the Watchtower Society as much as it does the rest of us unbelieving religious and/or unreligious swine.

Watchtower, 9/1/89 page 19:

“ONLY Jehovah’s Witnesses, those of the anointed remnant and the “great crowd,” as a united organization under the protection of the Supreme Organizer, have any Scriptural hope of surviving the impending end of this doomed system dominated by Satan the Devil.”

So far, considering that the Jo Ho’s are wrong, at least 7 for 7, I wouldn’t count on their version of the end of the world being accurate either.

But, I bet that if it’s a nuke from Al-Qaida, a tsunami or an asteroid, the Watchtower Society will still spin it in their favor:

“Yea, well God revealed to us that it was going to be an Al-Qaida nuke. We knew it all the time”

If there is anyone left to listen to them.

Jehovah’s Witnesses Apologize for 1975

To all those asshole Jehovah’s Witness 1975 deniers, here is the Watchtower “sort of” apologzing for the whole shit storm it caused:

The Watchtower 3/15/80, pg 17:

In modern times such eagerness, commendable in itself, has led to attempts at setting dates for the desired liberation from the suffering and troubles that are the lot of persons throughout the earth. With the appearance of the book Life Everlasting—in Freedom of the Sons of God, and its comments as to how appropriate it would be for the millennial reign of Christ to parallel the seventh millennium of man’s existence, considerable expectation was aroused regarding the year 1975. There were statements made then, and thereafter, stressing that this was only a possibility. Unfortunately, however, along with such cautionary information, there were other statements published that implied that such realization of hopes by that year was more of a probability than a mere possibility. It is to be regretted that these latter statements apparently overshadowed the cautionary ones and contributed to a buildup of the expectation already initiated.

 ”Oh, the Watchtower Society never said Armageddon was coming in 1975″ asshole Jo Ho’s will say. Than why do they above say:

 ”There were statements made then, and thereafter, stressing that this was only a possibility. Unfortunately, however, along with such cautionary information, there were other statements published that implied that such realization of hopes by that year was more of a probability than a mere possibility. It is to be regretted that these latter statements apparently overshadowed the cautionary ones and contributed to a buildup of the expectation already initiated.”

So, they published statements that implied that Armageddon coming in 1975 was more”of a probability than a mere possibility”.

Ya’ think?? This is what us hapless Jo Ho’s were being fed prior to 1975:

From “Our Kingdom Ministry”, May 1974, page 3:

“Yes, since the summer of 1973 there have been new peaks in pioneers every month. Now there are 20,394 regular and special pioneers in the United States, an all-time peak. That is 5,190 more than there were in February 1973! A 34-percent increase! Does that not warm our hearts? Reports are heard of brothers selling their homes and property and planning to finish out the rest of their days in this old system in the pioneer service. Certainly this is a fine way to spend the short time remaining before the wicked world’s end.—1 John 2:17.”

What, you sold your house. quit your job, sold your stocks, quit college? Hey, who told you to do that?

The Watchtower Society did! If you were a loyal Jo Ho and read this, under the circumstances,  what would you think? I was and what did I think???  I couldn’t wait for Jehovah to kill all you non believers in a display of righteous global carnage.

Also, we read this from the Witness book, “The Nations Shall Know That I Am Jehovah – How? “, 1971 p. 216:

JEHOVAH’S “SWORD” AGAINST “ALL THOSE OF FLESH”

Shortly, within our twentieth century, the “battle in the day of Jehovah” will begin against the modern antitype of Jerusalem, Christendom.”

Did I miss something? Isn’t the 20th Century over? Oops!! The Jo Ho’s are wrong again. 

And at age 18 I was reading this from the Awake, May 22, 1969 page 15:

“Therefore as a young person you will never fulfill any career that this system offers.”

Well, it’s 2009 assholes and I’m 58, I have a degree and I am wraping up my second career. So much for your predictions.